5 approaches to the summer job

  • The Internship. You’re probably not getting paid. If you’re anything like me, you’re working for your mom’s friend who owed her a favor. Your boss has no idea what to do with you, because your boss doesn’t really need an intern. You spend most of your time on facebook chat. Sometimes they will ask you to hand-write three hundred thank you notes, and you will be excited to have something to do. You will wear so many pencil skirts and cardigans.
  • Working Retail. You would like to make some money, and you figure you’re pretty good at interacting with other humans, so you’re going to sell clothes or something. Your training consists of multiple reminders to “be real with the customer” and role play exercises. It is hard to “be real” with a customer when that customer is really the girl you were sitting next to an hour ago while you filled out your W4. You get to wear a walkie talkie, though, and get a pretty sweet discount, so this isn’t too bad.
  • Summer Camp. Maybe you’re an alumna of camp seafoam adventure friendship, and you’ve always fantasized about coming back to be a cabin leader. Maybe you just saw a listing for a job and decided it wouldn’t be half bad. You realize a few things this summer. The first is that kids are crazy. The second is that full-time employees of summer camps are also somewhat crazy. The third is that when you are interacting with approximately twelve guys your age for the entire summer, you’re going to end up with something similar to Stockholm syndrome.
  • Waitressing. Waitressing is so hard. I’ve never done it. My mom got fired on her first day of waitressing, and the other girls told her to just come back the next day, and she did, and the boss let her stay. My sister, on the other hand, quit after day one. You have to remember things (think that game where you had to hit the colored buttons in the right order, but the machine gets really angry with you if you mess up), and carry things (a challenge for those of us with the hand eye coordination of a blind puppy with vertigo), and people will yell at you for things that are not your fault. That said, you can make bank on tips alone. Dolla dolla billz yall.
  • Lab work. I have no idea what you science-y people do all day. But, you know, I hear it looks pretty solid on a resume.