1. I won’t know anyone there.
Maybe this is a real worry for some people, but my graduating class was 94 people, and I most of us were in school together since first grade. Still, I picture myself walking into a room full of strangers.
2. I will immediately revert to my high school self.
I’ll immediately forget five years of life lessons. Or more. Hell, let’s make it eight years. That would make me the deliciously unstable age of fifteen. Suddenly I’ll hate myself and have no idea how to communicate with other human beings. I’ll also be angsty and sleep deprived and people will always be telling me where I can and cannot put my backpack.
3. I’ll discover that everyone else is still best friends, and I’ll be super jealous.
There was actually a four year reunion, a three year reunion, a two year reunion, and a one year reunion, but everyone decided “nah, Clara’s the worst! Let’s exclude her, intentionally.”
Also, in this scenario, I’ll be really bummed out about it. I’ll say, “Wow, you didn’t expand your social circles at all in college? I wish I were just like you!”
4. My high school crush will be there and for some reason I will try to seduce him.
I only thought I was over him because of time and distance! But oh how mistaken I was! Once we are in the same room, I will lose control of my lingering passion for the boy who used to wear an “ion bracelet” “for golfers,” and I will throw myself upon him! And he will say, “Clara, I am flattered but I am actually dating someone cooler and younger and prettier than you. Also, I think you’re weird, and my opinion matters a lot because of my power and influence.” And everyone else in the room will nod.
5. My teachers won’t remember me.
Or worse, they’ll say, “Oh, it’s Clara, the one we all secretly knew was dumb even though she got good grades and went to Brown.” Someone will probably remember that I never turned in something really important, and they’ll want it from me, and I won’t have it, and I’ll be naked, and now I’m just describing a stress dream.
6. Everyone will ask me about Feminist Taylor Swift.
And I’ll have to say, “Yeah, haha, no, I was writing a book kind of, but then I decided not to because of good reasons. Not because failure reasons. Because not-failure reasons.” And then I’ll change the subject to Taylor Swift’s cats. This is the one thing on the list that’s definitely going to happen.