do not hover over public toilets, you idiots

At last, it has been proven with science that hovering over the toilet seat does basically nothing for you. Behold, firm scientific evidence!

(via Jezebel)

This gives me an opportunity to go on a rant about how much I hate people who do this. Here is why:

Hover-peeing isn’t fun. No one hover-pees in their own home. (Hopefully. Right??) But most people must make the choice to hover-pee sometimes. When things are too gross to handle. When someone else has managed to pee on the seat.

But why are people peeing on the seat in the first place?

When I’m in a unisex bathroom, this is unavoidable (I guess. Men should learn how to not-pee-everywhere, but I understand that it’s an occupational hazard of penis-having). But in the ladies’ room, very few people have penises*. Very few ladies are likely to pee on the toilet seat in the course of their usual bathroom habits.

Unless these ladies are hover-peeing. And maybe those ladies had a good reason to hover-pee too, but eventually, if you trace it back, you’ll find one person who decided to hover-pee for no good reason.

Please stop, y’all. Your irrational germ-phobia is ruining things for the rest of us.

*Some do. 

Photo via Creative Commons

  • Ruby Velour

    OMG I hate hover peeing so much! I’ve always said it’s because of women who hover-pee that there’s ever pee on the toilet seats anyway, which just means more women hover pee. INFURIATING! How hard is it to grab some toilet paper and wipe after you spray everywhere anyway???

  • Vivian Li

    Excuse me, but you have NOT made a case against hover peeing — at most your little diatribe only goes as far as arguing that when you do hover pee, you should courteously wipe the seat dry afterwards (assuming you even get the seat wet in the first place). Do you know what it’s like to live in a big city where almost EVERY public toilet is nasty, smelly, and covered in grime and used toilet paper? Yeah, nobody with more than a few brain cells would sit down on THAT. Hover peeing is only rational and commonsensical — and if you make sure that the seat is wiped dry before you leave, what’s the problem?

    Also interesting that you only blame women for making a “mess” with hover peeing, but don’t blame men for making a similar “mess”. Yes, our equipment is different down there, but using your faulty logic you could just as well argue that men should “sit and to pee” to avoid making a mess.

    • Carrie Perez

      Agreed! Furthermore, there is not just the germ thing to worry about; what about bugs? Ugggg

    • roseba

      And is there is a reason why you can’t lift the seat and prevent pee getting on it anyway?

  • George3C

    Aside from complaints from my wife of 25 years about the general filth of women’s toilets, and the reasons for, etc., I had never had cause to consider womens’ hover dialogues, as addressed in part in this little post, and the attached news broadcast. Astonishing how similar to mens’ complaints about those men who will not lift seats to piss, thereby spraying all over. Use the urinals, assholes! Or our gender’s disgusting little ca-ca vandals, especially those who crap in the urinals. Can’t wait, junior? Or the retards who think it’s hilarious to cram a toilet full of seat protectors and flush them. Too bad that our nation’s parents have done such a crappy job of training their offspring.
    Here’s an idea: If you are going to hover anyhow, why not lift the seat first?