First of all, you might be asking yourself, “Why do I need to know how to bake a vagina cake?” Well, there are a lot of reasons, actually.

  1. You could become a contestant on Cake Boss with these skills.
  2. You never know when the right occasion for a vagina cake might arise. E.g. a gift to your Femsex facilitators, a celebration of female anatomy, a get-well-soon gesture for someone who has just given birth.
  3. I found baking a vagina cake very empowering, and you might too.

I mean, really. It’s just a practical skill to have in your toolbox. This is college and crazy stuff happens.

You will need:

  • Bananas. This shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.
  • Things to bake a cake. Standard. We used this yellow cake recipe from Smitten Kitchen. It was delicious.
  • White icing. Lots of it.
  • Food coloring.
  • Chocolate chips, if you want.

How to make a vagina cake:

Step One: First, bake a cake. Everyone has some basic knowledge of how to get this done, as far as I know. Use a box, use your great grandmother’s secret recipe, I don’t care, whatever.

when baking this cake only use I-statements

 

Step Two: While your cake is baking/cooling, decide what colors you want to use and how many. Just do what feels right. This cake seems to represent the vagina of a caucasian person, but your vagina cake can be whatever color you like. One tip on the food coloring is that a little goes a long way. A really long way.

Step Three: Back to basics. Ice the whole damn cake with your base color.

Step Four: Slice one banana down the center so you have two curved halves that lie flat. These are your vagina cake’s labia majora. Slice off the tip of another banana and place it wherever feels good to you. Congratulations. Your vagina cake has a clitoris.

Step Five: Ice all over that whole thing, using whatever colors make you feel beautiful. Pile up some extra layers of icing to sculpt the labia minora, if you want. Hell, we added a cute little rectum for realism’s sake.

Step Six: This step is optional, but if you want your cake vagina to have pubic hair in some way, shape, or form, melt some chocolate chips. Drizzle the melted chocolate over your cake vagina with a fork, wherever you want it to be. Chocolate sprinkles could work well too.

Step Seven: Enjoy!

vagina cake final slice

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