• Consider your wardrobe. What are you going to wear? You should wear a blazer. Definitely wear a blazer. Should you wear a skirt? I mean, it’s still cold out. You’re not allowed to wear jeans, right? What if they’re like, nice jeans? If you wear nice jeans, maybe you can wear heels to cancel them out. No, then you’ll look like a hooker. Start over. Are you sure about that blazer?
  • Think about how awesome it would be if you got the job. Think about where you’d live if you got the job. Think about all the cool people you would meet. Think about making money! If it’s an unpaid position, think about making money someday for unrelated reasons! Fantasize about how great your life would be if you got this job. You would dress well every day, because you would be professional. You need more blazers, probably.
  • Think about your qualifications. You were yearbook editor in high school. Does that count for anything these days? Probably not. Think about how any company who hired you would have to be desperate or out of their minds. (I have never been hired by anyone who was not 1. my father, or 2. a friend of my mother. I’m not joking. This interview is the first time a job opportunity has come to me through a means other than nepotism).
  • Reassure yourself. How could the interviewer not like you? You’re so charming. Ignore the fact that you are actually somewhat awkward and uncomfortable around new people. This interviewer will immediately fall in love with you (like a sister, of course), and he’ll give you the job on the spot. You are spectacular.
  • Look up parking near the job. Should you bring your car? Maybe you could bring your car. Oh, wait, you don’t have a car.
  • Have a nervous breakdown. (This is a step in pretty much any task I undertake these days.) Of course you won’t get the job. You’re a mess. You can’t even find rain boots that aren’t waterproof. You literally cannot go four days without Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Your therapist thinks you should learn how to take care of you, before you go around doing things like getting summer jobs. You probably won’t get it, and you’ll have to go home and live with mom and dad and hear them talk about how much they would love to have you working at their place-of-work, again.
  • Reconsider. Maybe you should take classes this summer. That could be fun. Maybe you should work at a summer camp or something. Have all of those deadlines passed? Haven’t you always wanted to hike across Spain? I think this might be the summer to hike across Spain. Who will go with you? Man, you’re going to have to buy hiking equipment. You need a job.
  • Repeat. In order to get said job, you’ll have to rock this interview. What will you wear?