I’ve been beating myself up this winter break and it’s got to stop.
I rarely wake up before noon. I lie around in bed looking at dresses on websites for no reason because I don’t need to buy any dresses. I play Civilization 5. I eat Lucky Charms. I stay up too late, interact with very few people, and fall asleep around three. The next day I do it all again.
It’s not hard to get used to this kind of life, but there’s a certain amount of self-loathing in it. Why haven’t I gotten out of my pajamas? When did I last shower? Why am I hiding from my emails? Shouldn’t I be, like, hating myself? I guess so!
But I’ve realized there’s no need.
First of all, hating myself makes it really hard to do anything else. I hardly even enjoy lying around in my own filth if I’m too busy hating myself. If this is going to be the time to accomplish shockingly little, I might as well enjoy it.
Second of all, whenever I manage to connect to the outside world, I just find out that other people are doing exactly the same thing.
For example: I went to a friend’s house the other night night. We will call this friend Mary for the sake of everyone’s dignity. Mary’s friend (“Jane”) dropped by while I was there, and at some point she noticed that neither she nor Mary had changed clothes since the day before. I almost hadn’t either (but at the last minute, took off one large sweater and wore a different one instead, keeping on the same leggings I’d been wearing the day before because why the fuck not).
Twitter just informed me that a friend of mine hasn’t done the one tiny thing she wanted to do today. My facebook newsfeed feels more active than usual. The very existence of Tumblr proves my point. Hanging around staring at our laptops is practically a national pastime. This generation invented the Netflix binge. It’s not weird!
(There’s also the possibility that I’m just not really friends with the people who aren’t doing what I’m doing. Or that they’re not posting much on social media, due to all their other activities. I’ve chosen not to acknowledge that possibility. So.)
Whatever. At some point I’ll either get so bored or so ineffective that I stop and do something else. But for now, fuck it. I’m going to livestream Sherlock, paint my nails, and put off showering.