You don’t have to go anymore! After you put in your two weeks (or mutually agreed-upon amount of time) to wrap things up, you don’t have to go back to that job! You don’t have to walk into that building with its slow elevators and confusing doors ever again. You don’t have to spend your lunch hour browsing the aisles of the Dollar Store because that’s all there is to do around here. You can, instead, do literally anything else with your time.
Quitting things feels good. It’s a fact.
Everyone will start being super nice to you. As long as you don’t quit in an enormously rude way (by, for example, setting the building on fire), people will probably make a big deal about how much they’re going to miss you. It’s very confidence-building.
You get to tell people what’s what. You might get to have an “exit interview,” where the people who hired you ask about your impressions of the company and your reasons for leaving. You shouldn’t burn any bridges, but you can definitely bring up how much better your life would have been if, for example, meetings had literally ever been shorter than two hours.
You get to explain to everybody what you’ve been doing this whole time. I really like writing exit memos. Is that weird?
You might like your job. If you like your job, leaving it behind would be sad! If you’re wondering about quitting your job, one of the first things you should ask yourself is, “do I like my job?” and if the answer is yes, you should probably stay there. But why are you wondering in the first place?
(For the record, friends, I do like my job right now. Don’t freak out. I’m just working through a backlog of blogpost ideas, and I consider myself something of an expert on quitting jobs. I’ve done it twice.)
Some people might be mean to you. They’re just jealous. Or you have some kind of toxic workplace environment. Or this one might be on you. Did you set the building on fire? I told you not to do that.
Other people might be really nice to you. After I’d resigned from one job, but while I was still working there, I was called into a meeting with a director-level person who I hadn’t really worked with. I showed up expecting him to want to touch base about the one project we were both working on, but instead he spent a solid 45 minutes trying to convince me that whatever I wanted to do in life, I could do it at this company and this company alone!
I’m honestly not sure what he expected me to say, besides “Oh great, now that I know I actually do want to keep working here, I will stay forever, thank you for telling me.” I didn’t say that. So the whole thing was very uncomfortable.
You stop getting paid. Money is nice because you can exchange it for goods and services.
There’s no obvious time to unfriend your coworkers on facebook. I guess we’re all just going to be facebook friends forever. I’m never not going to know what Jeff’s cat is doing. Jeff and I overlapped at my first job for like, two weeks, but I guess that’s the level of intimacy required before you are given permanent access to someone’s cat pictures.
And I guess that is the world I want to live in.