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things i have posted in my high school alumni facebook group vs. reality

things i have posted in my high school alumni facebook group vs. reality

Every few months, the “class coordinators” for my alma mater, a K-12 private school outside Washington DC, ask all of us for updates on our lives that they can put in the alumni magazine. And so every few months, we ask ourselves, “How can I make myself sound happiest and most successful without lying outright?”(…)

on the heat death of the universe

on the heat death of the universe

I know, I know, I’ve been gone for ages, and there was that weird guest post about racism in porn that was up for about an hour before I took it down, and I’ve been totally silent otherwise. It’s weird. I know. Sorry. I will be re-uploading the porn article, by the way. My friend(…)

condoms are making you depressed

condoms are making you depressed

I know I said earlier that I was going to stop going on and on about vaguely stupid people who say very stupid things on the internet, but I am absolutely fascinated by this blog post. Basically, if you don’t want to go read the long and boring and very stupid article, here are the(…)

i’m not getting anything done and it is awesome

i’m not getting anything done and it is awesome

I’ve been beating myself up this winter break and it’s got to stop. I rarely wake up before noon. I lie around in bed looking at dresses on websites for no reason because I don’t need to buy any dresses. I play Civilization 5. I eat Lucky Charms. I stay up too late, interact with(…)

it turns out i’m not dateable

it turns out i’m not dateable

Oops! In fact, I am totally dateless. Here, look, there’s proof (thanks to website-of-horrors, rudateable.com, founded by motivational speaker and noted misogynist Justin Lookadoo): The awkward thing is, I think I answered these questions pretty accurately. And yet, I actually do have a boyfriend! (We are pictured above, looking particularly like Texan politicians on Halloween.(…)

thirteen things not to do your freshman year

thirteen things not to do your freshman year

1. Become addicted to methamphetamine. Everyone wants to come to college and try new things. But be careful! If there’s one thing that will ruin your freshman year, it’s a methamphetamine addiction. You’re at school to learn, not to get high on meth every day until you’re twitchy and weird without it! 2. Marry someone(…)

it’s link thursday!

it’s link thursday!

Remember last week when I got all mad about Matt Forney? Well, he continues to be an asshole, as do the rest of those “manosphere” motherfuckers. However, someone else has already committed an entire blog to mocking these losers. If you want to feel rage pour out of your eyeballs but then laugh, check out(…)