1. The Lion King

You grow up thinking that you are the bees knees, because your dad is the king and/or you are a high school senior and get to sit in the best part of the lounge. But dark forces (an evil uncle and/or time) banish you from your comfort zone, and you stumble blindly around for a little while, referencing Hamlet from time to time. Soon, you make crazy friends and eat bugs! Hakuna Matata! Then you have to leave because you must have things like “destiny” and “responsibilities” and “vengeance for your murdered father.”

2. Zoolander

You had it all, but then you came to college and realized that you are no longer the smartest/coolest/prettiest/most really-really-really-attractive person there. Hansel is so hot right now, and you are not Hansel. You have an identity crisis and experiment with Saussure/drugs/coal mining before being seduced again by your old life. You realize that Hansel is like, pretty cool. You meet a gorgeous blonde bulimic and have an orgy with dwarves.

3. The Lizzie McGuire Movie

Your parents would be horrified if they knew what you were up to. You will inevitably meet a boy who tells you that you are gorgeous and talented and takes you on a ride on his moped (infer what you will about that). In reality, he lip-syncs everything and is generally a tool (don’t worry — He’ll be exposed later on Eurovision/CollegeACB/whatever) (Is that what CollegeACB is for? I don’t think my school has one). You buy some new clothes and feel confident!

4. Fight Club

I can’t talk about it.

5. Citizen Kane

You are taken from home to a wild new place. You want to set the world on fire! You want to do crazy things! You will write an honest newspaper with lots of exclamation points! People will think that you are silly (this is the thing that people think about young folks, forever and always, and there is nothing to be done about it). Then, you will be tempted by booze and loose women, and lose some of your integrity, but become wildly successful. Until your future employers look you up on Facebook! Oh, how you long for the innocence of childhood now!

6. Black Swan

You are ambitious. So ambitious. Just the most ambitious! And yet, Mila Kunis is still hotter than you (probably). Are you going crazy? Are you questioning your sexuality? Are you hallucinating? Maybe!