6 things to do instead of watching the state of the union

1. Watch some other television.

There’s some great television out there these days. Have you seen The End Of The F****** World? It’s all on Netflix, and it’s about poorly-adjusted teenagers taking a road trip. Fun!

2. Play with a cat.

You’re an adult! You have a cat! The cat is walking around asking you little questions, so you might as well give him something to do. Otherwise he’ll spend all night knocking stuff off of tables, and you’ll have to spend all night finding out whether he broke anything.

3. Tag your friends in some memes.

Apparently this is what we do now. Back in my day (circa 2007), there were these things called “Facebook apps” you could put in your facebook profile’s sidebar, and we would leave each other “bumper stickers” which were usually square gifs that said things like “A friend will get you out of jail, a best friend will be in jail WITH YOU hahahaha” with a bunch of sparkles.

This is how we used to live.
This is how we used to live.

Anyway, now we just tag each other in the comments of photos of screenshots of tweets, posted by accounts with names like “100% Relatable” or “3am thoughts”.

I’d say “go find some,” but we never go looking for these, do we? Does anyone ever set out to find “relatable” “facebook” “content”? No, we just happen upon them. but every once in a while, you read one that brings you right back to that one time in college or whatever, and you have to tag a friend. You have to.

4. Watch the State of the Union (for less than a minute).

It’s the a very racist minute. Anyway, turn it off. Turn the damn thing off. Stop it. Remember what we’re doing here? Not that.

5. Debate opening a bottle of wine.

It’s not the worst idea you’ve ever had. Those 45 seconds were pretty stressful, and it might be nice to unwind. But you can’t remember which wine is the sort you should save for guests and which wine is just there to take up space on your new bar cart. (Yeah, you also have a bar cart now).

6. Start blogging again.

I don’t know. Maybe. It’s better than the alternative, but this theme is making my skin itch like I’m putting on old jeans that still kind of fit but smell like the storage boxes they’ve been sitting in.

"Graphic design is my passion"
“Graphic design is my passion”

Something can be done about that, I suppose.