• Immediately think of a better thing that you could have said. Consider sending it as a witty addendum, then consider exactly how desperate this would make you look. Weigh the risks and benefits. Do not send the addendum text.
  • Put your phone far away from you so that you don’t look too anxious (He can see you, after all). After a minute, check to be sure your phone isn’t on vibrate. You might not hear it vibrate from three whole feet away. Figure it’s better to just keep your phone next to you, just in case, even though you’re definitely not going to look at it.
  • Check the time. Check exactly what time it was when you sent the text. If you can, check the average amount of time that it takes him to respond to a text in general (I have an iPhone, so I can’t do this anymore, but back in my high school KRZR days, this used to be my secret weapon. Will, you took three minutes. Every time.) (#sentencesthatrequirecontext)
  • Re-read your text. Maybe he just has nothing to say. Did you give him an opportunity to say something? “Yeah I have an exam on tuesday but other than that I’m done” doesn’t necessarily require a response, but “I’m almost done with exams! Are YOU almost done with exams? What exams? What will be your FAVORITE exam? Do you like exams? Do you use pens or pencils in exams? I like pencils! I like you! Want to know some cow trivia?” does. Obviously, I recommend the latter.
  • Tweet nervously. When I’m nervous I tweet approximately every thirty seconds. If you ever see me tweeting a lot, I’m probably nervous.
  • It has been six minutes. Think of things he could be doing. He might be watching a longer-than-average youtube video/talking to his mom/shooting crack/baking cookies/talking to that whore (yes, that one)… sigh. He’s so cute.
  • Feel that you were stupid to text him in the first place. Why would he be interested in you? You have… chipped nails. Gross. Begin to paint your nails, in order to deserve the affection and reciprocal-texts of the boy in question. This is among your less self-destructive options.
  • He texts back!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Think, that was a kind of stupid text.
  • Fret over what to text back. Need to look up a word in order to avoid using it incorrectly and embarrassing yourself. Get distracted by etymologies. Do not text him back for thirteen minutes (during which time, he probably dropped his phone into a frog pond).